the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
