I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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