it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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