After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
foreskin is a definite game changer
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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