he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
