so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
