her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
