i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
