i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
