So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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