would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
