who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
