Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
