I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
