woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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