how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
