Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
