I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
