Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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