can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
