Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
COCAINE IS GR8
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
