turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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