Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
