The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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