I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
