im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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