At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
