yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
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