Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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