Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
