sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
