On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
