Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
