HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
