worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
