You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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