people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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