Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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