can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
