An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
