my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
