I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
