I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
