he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
