best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
