Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
