I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
