the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We were destined to go to rehab together
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
