There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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