Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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