we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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