Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
