I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
