he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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