can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
