somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
